Tade got married to Tokunbo in the year 1995 and being the first born of his family his siblings always lived with him but because he was ready to settle down he had to move out of the family house to rent his own apartment.
He got a lovely place in Onikan area of the west African city of Lagos, Nigeria and was 3months into a lovely marriage when Yemi his first cousin showed up unannounced in front of his house with her luggage claiming her father sent her parking.
Tade was partly trained by her father Uncle Jones and knew how much of pain she had been to the family but he was so fond of her being his favorite and felt a sense of responsibility towards her. His wife didn’t like the idea but because he was bent on helping Yemi they allowed her in.
The moment Yemi came in peace eluded Tade’s marriage as Yemi was always at loggerheads with Tokunbo. She would not raise a finger to assist and would sometimes insult her because according to her ‘I am in my brother’s house and can do whatever I like’
Tokunbo was so upset one night that she called her husband to make a choice between her and his cousin which was a tough call for Tade. He eventually got someone who referred him to my office and we started applying the Family systems solutions on his marriage.
Now in Family systems Engineering we believe that the most important nation on earth is the family and that marriage is the coming together of a man and a woman from two different nations to create a new nation whose culture will give our world rest.
So we believe every marriage is a new nation and every nation must have a family ideology, family vision, values, constitution and a set of systems that can promote the general well being of the family.
We believe the husband is often the President while the wife is his Vice and we believe the most important task of the president is the security of lives and properties of the citizens of that nation and those citizens are strictly his wife, and his children except in cases where they have granted citizenship to someone else and there is a procedure to making that happen.
We believe that the moment a man becomes emotional about the sovereignty of his family he may ceed his territorial integrity to external influence who may eventually destroy his country.
In family system engineering we believe the process by which we admit people into your family is called family immigration system and that says that people must be admitted based on a need identified by the couple. We also often counsel couple to first grant a visiting visa to a would be citizen so that you can run the person through the DNA codes of your nation to be sure the person will not become a domestic terrorist to your family well being. Usually a visiting visa is pegged at 72hours after which you can extend it to 2 months for you to be able to thoroughly assess the person.
Our ideology in Family systems Engineering says that the governing council of your nation must avoid granting permanent residency out of emotions or to folks who have not been tested and we believe anyone that is unsettling the peace of your home either by being rude to your wife or you is a domestic terrorist and you must not negotiate with terrorists. So we often talk about the 2 lounges every family must have which is ARRIVAL and DEPARTURE and that says if they can arrive they must also be able to depart.
The moment you begin to get emotional about a domestic terrorist as the president of a family it means you have started compromising your sovereignty which may lead to a process called RECOLONIZATION because you have surrendered the leadership of your nation to external factors.
If you have read this article up to this point the question you may want to ask is ‘Who is unsettling your family’? While you must love your extended family your allegiance must primarily be to your new nation because the purpose of your new nation is to give rest to our world.
Anyone that you and your wife have decided to assist and has become a burden to your family or has begin to unsettle the peace of your family through gossip is classified as a ‘DOMESTIC TERRORIST’ and you know what to do because if you don’t evict or deport them your nation will come crashing down or your children may copy a behaviour you may never approve of from the person you have brought in. That is why we often admonish families to have a system of induction that gives orientation to anyone that wants to live with you.
There is nothing wrong with family members living with you but ensure that you have passed them through your DNA codes and done your due diligence before residency and work permit is granted although we often discourage that happening in the first 2years of your marriage because it is the phase where you are still mastering the new culture of your new nation. The good ones who fit into your DNA code may be granted entry visas but the ones who have become a pain in your neck must be deported without emotions.
The key to a transformed world is a transformed family system and Family systems Engineering is the key to the future. We believe that by 2040 a new tribe would have risen from this family template that will give rest to our world because they would have become the happiest people on the planet.