FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF
ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 14 – WHOSE IDEA ARE YOU?
The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are. A subtle kind of murder – Jim Morrison
A few years ago I started to question everything around me and within me because I was bent on getting the desired results in specific areas of my life. I had been thought too many things that was not working and I had completely forgotten that what I held unto for too long were learned behavior that I either picked by observation or by acquired knowledge. Most of the things I held unto were not beliefs I had questioned because I was not even given the chance to question them before I was socialized to believe them.
The moment I started to question them it dawned on me how much I had learnt and become convinced about that had nothing to do with me. For example, I could be easily excused for getting married and expecting my wife to cook daily because that was what my society taught me and many of the people I looked up to had actually taught cooking as a compulsory skill for any woman that wanted to keep a man. The only problem was when I started to question everything I asked myself ‘If I was worth 1 billion dollars and the lady I was going to marry was worth 2billion dollars at the point of marriage what would be our conversations on who should be cooking?
My answer was ‘We would be discussing the best chef to hire’ and that opened my eyes to the fact that economics and culture could have played a huge role in many of the beliefs we have held tightly to because often times we are only looking for a verse in the Holy Books to support a conclusion that serves us without a willingness to check how it negatively affects the other person.
Accidental spouses were made not born and they are often victims of what they had been taught. As a matter of fact they could be referred to as the PHD ambassadors of the nation(home) that produced them. There is no way a house can last longer than the quality of materials used in its constructions. That is exactly why many good intentioned people become like monsters in a relationship.
Your beliefs is not often what you say; what you do is a perfect reflection of what you truly believe. But the fact that what people say and what they do is often not the same is a feedback of a deeper problem to the chaos within you. Unfortunately, many of us are not who we ought to be; we are a terrible idea of a system we don’t understand.
To be continued
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