The Death of SHAME

faith Sep 24, 2020

One of my favorite sessions in group coaching and therapy is the tree of life system. 
This is one activity that promotes our humanity and helps us see ourselves the way we are. It is an activity that makes you draw your entire life as a tree showing 
your root - background, 
your right trunk- the good memories, 
Your left trunk - Your bad memories 
Your branches - hopes and aspirations 
Your fruits - Gifts and talents 
Your leaves - People in your life that inspire you 
Tree insects - Secrets and habits that can take you down

The most vital aspect of the exercise is when you have to exchange your tree with a partner and share without shame your entire life history.

In the last one year i have seen people destroy shame by freely sharing their pains and dirty sides that no one knows. I have seen people experience liberation by simply knowing that there is not one of us without a dark patch. I have boldly share my errors and mistakes and foolishness...

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Re- OKADA BAN - The Family life angle

Sisi Yemi studied mechanical engineering and hasn't been able to get a job since she left school until Opay launched their bikes. She had always driven her boyfriend's power bike when she was in school but had never thought of riding commercial bikes for a living because of the unregulated nature of that sector.
But she jumped at the Opay structure and became one of the favorite riders of clients around Lagos with her cheerful smile and the way she welcomed clients on her bike. You almost could feel her excitement as she rode with joy and assured you of safety. She smiled home everyday with a minimum of 6k having taken care of other stuff and she was very happy with her life until the Lagos state government showed up.

Unknown to many she has parents in the village who depend on what she sends home monthly since she started the job and she managed to support her kid brother with a token monthly.

What she would do next with this new law is a question no one has thought through.


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The Institute of Family engineering and development Africa

The US Travel Restrictions - The Family Systems Engineering response 

One of the core modules we teach at the Institute of Family Engineering and development during the Family Systems Engineering Certification program is the Family Immigration systems. 

And that module is premised on the fundamental thought that says 'It could be detrimental to the peace of your family to grant permanent residency to people you have not filtered through your family values. It goes further to say anyone that upset the peace of the family systems you want to build is a domestic terrorist and you must find a way to ease them out' 

There is usually a lot of argument in class each time we teach this because for a continent that is used to deploring emotions for decisions as against systems it becomes very tough to process why you may need to evict your brother inlaw who is disrupting the peace of your family by being rude to your wife and has refused to change. 

Unknown to many Family...

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The need for Ministry of family affairs in driving people centered policy in Nigeria

I had just landed in Brampton and was trying to adjust to the weather but it suddenly dawned on me that my first assignment was in a few days which was to travel to Winnipeg in the Manitoba province of Canada to go volunteer to train a group of children teachers on the latest templates that can make their work more effective. 

A few days to my departure I decided to do my research about the province as I always do when I have to assist in a new terrain and what struck me was the minister for family affairs which was something that got me excited because it was a concept I had been pushing for over 8years in Lagos. 

Somewhere deep down I sensed some work must have been done on family and children from a research point of view so as I dug online I stumbled on a comprehensive report on the children and youth policy for Manitoba province. It was over a 100 page document that took me 2 nights of sleeplessness to devour. I was totally blown away at the depth of research and the...

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Let me tell you a story - My favorite Valentine & how it SHAPED ME

I left paid employment in the year 2003 to go and concentrate on how to build a family life practice but my first task was to toast commercial sex workers out of prostitution at Good evening street Ajegunle as well as set up Gold in the Slum which because the hub that developed several young people in that area of Lagos. 

It was Valentine's day 2005 and I just came up with this weird feeling of spending Val with commercial sex workers(I called them my sisters trapped behind the bars of prostitution). 

I called my team together and we got gifts while those that could bake cakes and small chops did. In all it was less than 10k but our heart of love was worth a billion dollars. We sent letters to media houses to come and witness the first ever Valentine with prostitutes. My deputy 

Christopher Olukoju

took the letters around and dropped one at Channels TV. Before he got to the office a certain Joseph Esenwa had called to inform us they would like to be a part of...

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Re-Thinking the Family Life Sector

In my entire years of practice I have carefully observed this most important yet unstructured sector that actually holds the key to the peace that our world seeks. 

I have taken a number of courses and seen results across the difference schools of thoughts that make up the family life sphere across a number of countries. 

One thing we have all failed to acknowledge is the fact that none of us can truly do all the work and the other truth we all run away from is that there is no single template that can resolve the several complex issues that families face. 

As a matter of fact no template can boast of 100% success rate which brings me to the almighty question:

Why do Family Life Practitioners across the globe find it difficult to work together since we all want to solve the same problem and why do we fail to admit the limitations of our school of thought? 

Those from the academia have done so well with research but with new research and counter research there is...

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Do not be unequally yoked together with an unbeliever is an instruction from Paul of Tarsus that holds through even till now. The challenge however is the over complication of the simple English word ‘UNBELIEVER’ 

An unbeliever is simply someone who doesn’t believe your beliefs and it doesn’t make the person a bad person because there is a group somewhere else who share their beliefs and they are believers to those group. Sometimes however the problem is in the way many of us were raised and the beliefs that our handlers imposed on us which we never bothered to troubleshoot. 


Beliefs incompatibility more than anything has snuffed life out of many relationships because they went in without aligning several of these beliefs. Couples leave two many critical areas undiscussed in marriage yet they consistently experience ‘culture clash’ with their originating nations(families) consistently going to war. 


Our beliefs is not...

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5 tips to enjoying your spouse

There are several tips available and while I applaud many of them my 19years of working with troubled relationships has helped me figure out the greatest tips couples need to pay attention to.


  1. Hack into your spouse - Too many couples never ever maximize their spouse simply because they are too fixated on what they think they want rather than seek to unravel the amazing benefits packaged in their factory fitted spouse. 

There is a lot more to your spouse than you have ever enjoyed. Often times your spouse is not even aware.

For example I ran a class at a couple's retreat in New York City a few years ago and it became apparent that not a single couple had explored or discussed their fantasies.

The moment I asked them to discuss it it was a light bulb moment for folks who have slept in the same room for 20years.


You know why they never discussed it? There was a program installed by religious taboos on their brain that made each person wallowed in self condemnation...

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We have been here before....

faith Sep 23, 2020

Dateline: August 1986 in Ijebu Imushin I was an Anglican boy and one of the most brilliant drummers in church. All we knew was worship through hymns and we thoroughly enjoyed it.
Your church was a big church if you had the luxury of drums set and a pipe organ but if you are able to add the Casio keyboard then you were truly big because it was just coming into the mainstream.
My father was the Archdeacon of the Ijebu East archdeaconry and one of the most respected priests in the diocese.

We had boys brigade that kept us busy and you were well respected in your brigade uniform infact if you were the mace bearer you were huge and so many babes and guys were left drooling for you.

Guess what?

We never missed anything and we never knew there was another life. As a matter of fact we could brag we were at the top of civilization and we considered churches like Cele and co as not as civilized as we were. Somehow our siblings started going to higher institutions while we got into secondary...

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On Course creation & Selling

I know there are many voices out there asking everyone to go and create their courses. While this is good the truth however is not everyone will create their own course however everyone can sell courses with proven results.

I recently interviewed some top earners and was shocked to find out that they earned a lot selling courses created by other people.

When Covid started I started teaching my tribe on the 4 different levels that will exist post covid and where they must position.

1. Unique content providers - These are folks who can research and create original content. Not many people can function here because it takes a lot to create courses that truly work.
This is where my strength is as you must have noticed how I created original content daily in 140 days before my health instructed me to stop. Research is my life and finding what truly works but I have discovered that not many can put in the shift. You don't have to beat yourself if you can't feature here as there are other...

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