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ACCIDENTAL SPOUSES & MARITAL ASSUMPTION

FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF

ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 16 – NEVER ASSUME MARRIAGE

I sit over domestic violence cases consistently and one common pattern I have noticed is the unequal yoke of the couples each time we run their beliefs assessment tests. The gap is often too wide that you knew they should never have married if the right things had been done in their marital preparatory class if there was any to start with.

Consistently a man whose definition of manhood is the superior gender that must be worshipped irrespective of his wisdom and competence marries a woman whose definition of a womanhood is the feminine expression of humanity(where manhood to her is defined as humanity).

How can these two live together successfully without any friction?

Assumption and lack of uniform definition of concepts and terms can totally destroy the joy of marriage that the two become a major accident waiting to happen. That is why beliefs alignment becomes critical in every marriage and this...

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Help! My Marital beliefs is killing me

FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF

 

ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 15 – THE TRAJECTORY OF ERROR?

I usually would play a game in most of my classes by asking my students to write down something they are so sure of. I’d then ask the class to troubleshoot the belief with them to be sure it was their personal discovery or if they ever studied or questioned it before they accepted it. In 7 out of every 10 they usually discover their beliefs were borrowed beliefs.

More shocking for almost all the participants is the realization that not one of them every took out time to study simple everyday concepts like;

  • Who is a man vs woman?
  • What does husband or wife mean?
  • What is heaven or hell?
  • Who is a father or mother?
  • What is parenting?
  • Why did God make man?
  • What is marriage?

As you read this you may want to ask yourself the same question and if you can be honest with yourself I will appreciate your feedback. Have you ever took out time independently to study any of the above concepts...

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WHOSE IDEA ARE YOU?

family marriage Mar 03, 2021

FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF

ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 14 – WHOSE IDEA ARE YOU?

The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are. A subtle kind of murder – Jim Morrison

A few years ago I started to question everything around me and within me because I was bent on getting the desired results in specific areas of my life. I had been thought too many things that was not working and I had completely forgotten that what I held unto for too long were learned behavior that I either picked by observation or by acquired knowledge. Most of the things I held unto were not beliefs I had questioned because I was not even given the chance to question them before I was socialized to believe them.

 The moment I started to question them it dawned on me how much I had learnt and become convinced about that had nothing to do with me. For example, I could be easily excused for getting married and expecting...

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ARE YOU CULTURALLY COMPATIBLE?

FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF

ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 13 – CULTURAL COMPATIBILITY

The third important check you have to troubleshoot is the culture of your spouse which is basically powered by his/her beliefs. Unknown to many couples the beliefs they are often willing to die for are beliefs whose origin they have never examined and our unwillingness to shift from a belief that doesn’t promote the best interest of all eventually harms a marriage that could have been salvaged.

 When you hear the verse of the Bible that says ‘Don’t be unequally yoked together with an unbeliever’ what comes to your mind?

One gap we frequently miss from that verse is the word ‘Unbeliever’ which is an English word that means someone who doesn’t believe your beliefs. The person may not necessarily be a bad person, it just simply means the person is not the right fit for your beliefs and where you want to go. For example, if a man believes only his wife...

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HEALING IS YOUR RIGHTS

FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF 

ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 12 – HEALING IS YOUR RIGHTS

 I love what I do daily in assisting people uninstall their hell and install their desired heaven. It is a job that is more or less a calling for me because even though clients pay a bit above the national average for my services the miracle of  seeing my clients finally discovering themselves and giving themselves the permission to live having uninstalled the softwares of self sabotaging beliefs that held them bound for too long is nothing short of a miracle.

Accidental spouses ain’t bad people; they are often victims of a bad engineering by the people that influenced them. However, there comes a time you must take responsibility for your pain because pains don’t go away by wishing them away or hoping the person that hurts you comes back to apologize.

Pains go away by taking responsibility for rising above the pains with a view to discovering what you may have...

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ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 11 – SCRAMBLING YOUR PAIN

FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF

 ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 11 – SCRAMBLING YOUR PAIN

 Too many times it becomes tough to unmask a spouse who is in pains because their physical manifestation either looks like a virtue that looks commendable while the person is actually dying inside. Sometimes pains may manifest in the following ways;

  • Getting involved in so many activities that makes the person really appear zealous and dependable
  • Giving oneself fully to a task that you never rest or relax. This may appear as being a workaholic but could be masking inner pain that is yet to be confronted
  • Seeking to correct everyone at all times once their wrong is spotted such that you look like the one who can make everything right
  • Inability to stand those who are too playful and consistently calling them to get very serious. Sometimes while on the surface this looks like you are trying to get people focused truth is that their play often reminds you of what life stole from you or what you...
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Bursting the cycle of PAIN

family love Feb 25, 2021

FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF

ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 10

Pain is real and we can’t wish it away or pretend it doesn’t exist.

The subcoscious part of the human man chronicles a record of everything that has happened to us since we were born and they are all stored using the meaning we ascribed to it at the time they happened.

Your mind has got what looks like different faculties with similar information stored in the category they belong. For example every happy perceived happy moment is stored in your bliss channel while every perceived sad moment is stored in your horror movie channel. Every perceived relaxation is stored in your serenity channel and so on.

The amazing thing about our mind however is that it doesn’t know the difference between what is simulated and what is real. Which means sometime when you see a movie or listen to a story that involves the pains of others your mind can interpret it as your pain and store in your horror channel. If you don’t...

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HACK YOUR PAIN & HEAL

FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF

 ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 9

  1. PAIN HACK

The second area you must check out for in your spouse to prevent an accidental spouse is the pains they have been through and what they have done about the pain.

I am sure you must be familiar with the quote ‘Hurting people hurt others’. It holds so true in 7 out of every 10 cases.

Not many can relate the crisis in their relationships to their past pains that they have not fully overcome and this is often due to the fact that we have no structured system to assist people overcome pains. The concept of seeing a therapist or a certified family life professional is still new across Africa so people often consider it a sign of vulnerability to go pour out their heart to a professional to get help.

 The other factor here is the role religious organizations have played in the apathy towards professional counseling. While there has been tremendous improvements with many churches embracing...

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REDISCOVERING YOUR HUMANITY

FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF

 

ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 8 - REDISCOVERING YOUR HUMANITY 

When the humanity of a person is compromised it is almost impossible for that person to live as a healthy human being because such will develop a world view that he/she would assume is the only world view that exist and sentiments will take the place of rational thinking.

 

For example I have worked in therapy with loads of people who talk supernatural but have never explored the natural because they have been wrongly taught that there is something wrong with being natural. They forget that super is the extra on the natural which is why they can be highly religious yet unable to effectively relate with the next man.

 

Somehow the concept of supernatural makes them believe they are immune to what others go through yet their daily reality shows them something is fundamentally wrong which they would rather die than address. The highest expression of supernatural is LOVE for God...

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ARE YOU STILL HUMAN?

FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF

 

ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 7 - ARE YOU STILL HUMAN? 

‘An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity’

Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

News flash: Hurricane Matthew kills 19 people in US, flooding in North Carolina

 

What is your internal response?

Did you feel indifference or your heart skipped a little because you could literally feel the pain of those who lost someone dear and those that lost their properties?

Did you simply thank God for keeping you away from such zone & move on with your life as if those killed were not human beings?

Often times we brag about our love for others but when opportunities present itself to express love we display our true reality of lack of concern for humanity and exactly that same pattern or thought process is behind domestic violence, adultery & other reasons responsible for marital...

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