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family marriage and family life Feb 24, 2021




The second area you must check out for in your spouse to prevent an accidental spouse is the pains they have been through and what they have done about the pain.

I am sure you must be familiar with the quote ‘Hurting people hurt others’. It holds so true in 7 out of every 10 cases.

Not many can relate the crisis in their relationships to their past pains that they have not fully overcome and this is often due to the fact that we have no structured system to assist people overcome pains. The concept of seeing a therapist or a certified family life professional is still new across Africa so people often consider it a sign of vulnerability to go pour out their heart to a professional to get help.

 The other factor here is the role religious organizations have played in the apathy towards professional counseling. While there has been tremendous improvements with many churches embracing professionalism, it is still a long way to freedom. Too many people assume they are well and whole by avoiding the pain or filing it away somewhere but each time they have to discuss it you can still feel a sense of extreme pains in their voice.

 In my 19years of work with families I have helped people trace their marital struggles to their unresolved emotional trauma, some of which happened in their childhood. There is a strong connection between domestic violence, infidelity, apathy towards spouse, lack of emotions and low libido and past pains and unresolved hurts.

 While people may often want to blame a spouse for their unhappy state the big elephant in the room is their unresolved trauma which they have never fully confronted and healed from.

 What pains happened in your past and have you at anytime confronted it and gained clarity to attain full healing?

Without healing a good person may start to malfunction as an accidental spouse


To be continued

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