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FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF

ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 19– RUN FOR YOUR LIFE

The best place to stop an intruder is at the gate and not when you have served him dinner inside your bedroom

One of my mentors once told me that there are two ways to kill a lion – either you engage it in a combat and kill it if you are lucky just that you may have a few scars if you are strong enough. But there is another way which is to avoid a lion because a lion will naturally die for lack of prey. 

Too many times accidental spouses show signs and other times they even have a huge bill board with warning signs. Unfortunately, the passengers never read the warning signs because they are too much in love to see.

Here are some warning signs that shows when to run;

• When you are seeing someone, who tells you he/she doesn’t believe he/she has to be accountable to any human being and goes further to say he is only accountable to God – RUN
• When he/she says marriage is...

FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF

ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 18– WHO ARE YOU ACCOUNTABLE TO?

“A body of men holding themselves accountable to nobody ought not to be trusted by anybody.” 
― Thomas Paine

The fourth attribute of accidental spouse is  lack of accountability.

One consistent advice I have given to singles all through the years is never get married to a guy/lady who is not accountable or has got no mentor or someome he/she defers to because we are not built to be independent.

“Power corrupt and absolute power corrupt absolutely” this is why it is characteristic of military heads of states to run a tyrannical government because they have absolute powers. Everyone needs that one person in his/her life that can call him/her to order and the absence of that figure can spell doom for a man.

There must be someone in your life you respect enough to obey even when you are not sure of what he/she is saying. Unfortunately, lots of married...

FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF

ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 15 – THE TRAJECTORY OF ERROR?

I usually would play a game in most of my classes by asking my students to write down something they are so sure of. I’d then ask the class to troubleshoot the belief with them to be sure it was their personal discovery or if they ever studied or questioned it before they accepted it. In 7 out of every 10 they usually discover their beliefs were borrowed beliefs.

More shocking for almost all the participants is the realization that not one of them every took out time to study simple everyday concepts like;

• Who is a man vs woman?
• What does husband or wife mean?
• What is heaven or hell?
• Who is a father or mother?
• What is parenting?
• Why did God make man?
• What is marriage?

As you read this you may want to ask yourself the same question and if you can be honest with yourself I will appreciate your feedback. Have you ever took out time independently to study any of the above concepts...

FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF

ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 13 – CULTURAL COMPATIBILITY

The third important check you have to troubleshoot is the culture of your spouse which is basically powered by his/her beliefs. Unknown to many couples the beliefs they are often willing to die for are beliefs whose origin they have never examined and our unwillingness to shift from a belief that doesn’t promote the best interest of all eventually harms a marriage that could have been salvaged.

 When you hear the verse of the Bible that says ‘Don’t be unequally yoked together with an unbeliever’ what comes to your mind?

One gap we frequently miss from that verse is the word ‘Unbeliever’ which is an English word that means someone who doesn’t believe your beliefs. The person may not necessarily be a bad person, it just simply means the person is not the right fit for your beliefs and where you want to go. For example, if a man believes only his wife...

FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF 

ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 12 – HEALING IS YOUR RIGHTS

 I love what I do daily in assisting people uninstall their hell and install their desired heaven. It is a job that is more or less a calling for me because even though clients pay a bit above the national average for my services the miracle of  seeing my clients finally discovering themselves and giving themselves the permission to live having uninstalled the softwares of self sabotaging beliefs that held them bound for too long is nothing short of a miracle.

Accidental spouses ain’t bad people; they are often victims of a bad engineering by the people that influenced them. However, there comes a time you must take responsibility for your pain because pains don’t go away by wishing them away or hoping the person that hurts you comes back to apologize.

Pains go away by taking responsibility for rising above the pains with a view to discovering what you may have...

FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF

 ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 11 – SCRAMBLING YOUR PAIN

 Too many times it becomes tough to unmask a spouse who is in pains because their physical manifestation either looks like a virtue that looks commendable while the person is actually dying inside. Sometimes pains may manifest in the following ways;

• Getting involved in so many activities that makes the person really appear zealous and dependable
• Giving oneself fully to a task that you never rest or relax. This may appear as being a workaholic but could be masking inner pain that is yet to be confronted
• Seeking to correct everyone at all times once their wrong is spotted such that you look like the one who can make everything right
• Inability to stand those who are too playful and consistently calling them to get very serious. Sometimes while on the surface this looks like you are trying to get people focused truth is that their play often reminds you of what life stole from you or what you...

FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF

 ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 9

2. PAIN HACK

The second area you must check out for in your spouse to prevent an accidental spouse is the pains they have been through and what they have done about the pain.

I am sure you must be familiar with the quote ‘Hurting people hurt others’. It holds so true in 7 out of every 10 cases.

Not many can relate the crisis in their relationships to their past pains that they have not fully overcome and this is often due to the fact that we have no structured system to assist people overcome pains. The concept of seeing a therapist or a certified family life professional is still new across Africa so people often consider it a sign of vulnerability to go pour out their heart to a professional to get help.

 The other factor here is the role religious organizations have played in the apathy towards professional counseling. While there has been tremendous improvements with many churches embracing...

FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF

ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 8 - REDISCOVERING YOUR HUMANITY 

When the humanity of a person is compromised it is almost impossible for that person to live as a healthy human being because such will develop a world view that he/she would assume is the only world view that exist and sentiments will take the place of rational thinking.

For example I have worked in therapy with loads of people who talk supernatural but have never explored the natural because they have been wrongly taught that there is something wrong with being natural. They forget that super is the extra on the natural which is why they can be highly religious yet unable to effectively relate with the next man.

Somehow the concept of supernatural makes them believe they are immune to what others go through yet their daily reality shows them something is fundamentally wrong which they would rather die than address. The highest expression of supernatural is LOVE for God...

FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF

ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 7 - ARE YOU STILL HUMAN? 

‘An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity’

Martin Luther King, Jr.

News flash: Hurricane Matthew kills 19 people in US, flooding in North Carolina

What is your internal response?

Did you feel indifference or your heart skipped a little because you could literally feel the pain of those who lost someone dear and those that lost their properties?

Did you simply thank God for keeping you away from such zone & move on with your life as if those killed were not human beings?

Often times we brag about our love for others but when opportunities present itself to express love we display our true reality of lack of concern for humanity and exactly that same pattern or thought process is behind domestic violence, adultery & other reasons responsible for marital...

FAMILY LIFE TODAY with PF 

ACCIDENTAL SPOUSE – 6

The late Nelson Mandela once said that if evil can be taught it then means good can be taught.

A child comes into this world with a clean slate but the world he grows into installs diverse programs into him that eventually shapes him into something else.

No one was born with anger and none was born with violence and terrorism. None was born with sex addiction and no one came here with mediocrity.

Every bad behavior was learnt or in my words installed by everyone in your history that your "system" was vulnerable to.

I sometimes study the beauty and the beast of the world and marvel at how terrorists find their way into marriages and produce children and I wonder who those children would grow up to become?

I also observe and wonder the mentality kids born in war thorn nations would grow up to have and the kind of spouse they would turn out to be.

We are human beings not human things and the tenets that guides our...